TMS #040: How to communicate with difficult people

Read time: 4 minutes

We all know that there are some people in our lives that we would rather avoid. Dealing with difficult people can be tiring and stressful, whether it's a rude coworker or an overbearing neighbor. Yet, conflict doesn't have to be a negative experience if you know how to handle it. In this article, I will explain how you can deal with difficult people. You will learn how to solve problems to make every encounter positive and helpful.

1. Don't react impulsively (or at all)

You have been provoked. Your emotions are running high. I know from my own experience that in such a situation, it can be hard not to react impulsively. But it's important not to act on your first instinct or second or third. After all, the more time between the problem and your reaction, the more likely you will calm down enough to make a smart move instead of a quick one.

If someone has said something hurtful or offensive, take a few seconds before responding. You can think about what was said in the context of everything else around them (and even some other recent events). Maybe they didn't mean what they said. There may be an issue with their tone. There may be something else going on at home. There are many reasons why someone might say something hurtful without trying to. Try asking them questions rather than making accusations:

• "What do YOU think?"

• "Why do YOU think..."

2. Learn how to communicate effectively

• Be direct, clear, and concise: Don't beat around the bush or use vague language. It's essential to be specific about what you need from the other person. Say so if it's something specific, like a favor or help with your project!

• Be aware of your tone of voice: You can communicate a lot through your voice. Whether you're angry or frustrated or just tired because you've been dealing with someone difficult all day (like those colleagues).

• Use non-verbal communication to support your words: Body language speaks volumes about your feelings. This means

  • smiling when appropriate;

  • using gestures such as pointing at things while explaining them;

  • making eye contact when speaking (and not looking away);

  • standing up straight.

  These are all ways that people show confidence and respect for one another, even if they don't always realize they're doing it.

• Avoid personal attacks: People often lash out at others when stressed or dealing with difficult situations. And this is the point where you can get into trouble. Because if you attack another directly, they will want to defend themselves. This usually leads to even more arguments. Instead of attacking someone directly, focus on what needs to be done and how it can be accomplished.

3. Understand their perspective and try to empathize

The next step is to understand the other person's perspective. This can be difficult, especially if they are unreasonable or abusive. But try to put yourself in their shoes:

• What would make them act like this?

• What needs do they have that aren't being met?

It's hard to meet someone's needs and build trust over time if you don't know what they want.

Empathy is about putting yourself in someone else's shoes and understanding their feelings. Empathy isn't just feeling sorry for someone else's pain or them, though these things can come out of genuine empathy.

When you respond with empathy to someone who is feeling bad, your brain releases endorphins. These hormones make you feel good inside. They help you build a deeper connection with another person by creating trust between two people working together to solve a problem.

4. Be honest but always positive in your approach

It's essential to be open to criticism and accept that you might be wrong. You should also be willing to hear the truth about yourself from others. Don't take it personally if someone points out something that isn't working for them or makes them feel bad. This will help avoid conflict. After all, people often feel like they can't say anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings or make things awkward between the two of you.

To start with this mindset, consider some of history's most successful leaders: Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln (president), Eleanor Roosevelt (first lady), Nelson Mandela (president). What did these great leaders all have in common?

• They were able to communicate well with difficult people.

• They were able to listen better than anyone else could.

• They understood how important it was for everyone involved.

5. Be patient, persistent and prepared

The fifth strategy for managing conflicts is to be patient, persistent and prepared. You may have heard the saying "patience is a virtue" or "good things come to those who wait." Both are true when communicating with difficult people. Because sometimes, it takes time for them to see things from your point of view or to consider an alternative perspective on a topic. It's important not to rush into anything too quickly. Instead, take your time so that you can think through what you want to say before saying anything at all.

If someone reacts negatively to you after you've said something constructive (like inviting someone else to dinner), don't get defensive or try to explain yourself again. This will only make things worse. Instead, use this opportunity to learn more about yourself by asking questions such as: "What did I say/do that made him/her feel uncomfortable?" Or, even better, ask a friend who knows both people well enough to give direct feedback from experience instead of making assumptions based on limited information.

Conclusion

Many ways exist to handle conflicts and build bridges with difficult people. Choose the best strategy for you and keep your emotions in check during these situations. If you feel yourself becoming angry or frustrated, take a deep breath before speaking up so that your words come from a place of calm rather than anger.

Keep Evolving,

Christian Founder - Mindtutorial
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TL;DR

How to communicate with difficult people: 5 Strategies for handling conflicts and building bridges

1. Don't react impulsively.

2. Learn effective communication skills.

3. Try to understand their perspective.

4. Be honest but positive.

5. Be patient, persistent, prepared.

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