TMS #007: Toxic Positivity

Too Much Optimism Makes You Unhappy.

Get crucial insights on why “Toxic Positivity” is wrecking your life and how to break free:

Hi there👋.

I hope you’ve had a great Saturday so far.

And now the truth. Did you? Or are you just claiming this to suppress your negative feelings?

Toxic Positivity manifests itself in wanting to compensate for every negative thought, uncomfortable feeling, or unpleasant reaction on the outside with something positive.

Constantly balancing unpleasant emotions with something positive is repression. We don’t want to feel negative, so we look for a positive aspect of the situation to hold on to. This does not work in the long run.

The following problems arise:

1. Repression intensifies your emotions

In a 1997 experiment, 2 groups were shown videos of medical procedures.

Only one group was told to show their emotions. Stronger physiological reactions to the unpleasant images were measured in those who suppressed their feelings.

The same thing happens if you don’t express an unpleasant feeling and overlay it with “the positive side of the situation”: It will intensify in the long run.

The point is not to reveal your emotional world at every opportunity when someone asks you how you’re doing. The key is, to be honest and talk to your close friends about your problems. Don’t sugarcoat them. It starts with being honest about your thoughts and feelings.

2. No change without feeling

Dare to follow your feelings: What bothers you? Only through confrontation is a constructive solution to the problem possible. Take the first step to change something about the situation. Accept your feelings to understand what exactly is bothering you about a situation. Then you can find a solution to the problem that makes you truly happy. To do this, you need to consider a few adjusting screws:

• Perceive unpleasant feelings and get to the bottom of them.

• Identify the problem.

• Can you solve the problem? Then do what is in your power.

• Can’t you solve it? Then now is the time to accept the situation. Which, by the way, doesn’t mean you have to like it. 

3. We block our relationships

In the world of “positive vibes only,” we tend to overplay our feelings. When that doesn’t work, we give them meaning, which eventually leads to our happy endings. “I am sure that one day I will understand why it had to happen this way.” This attitude leads to shutting down on both sides of the relationship: You no longer talk openly about your emotions. It makes you feel lonely. The less you talk about your difficulties, the more uncomfortable the other person feels about being open and authentic. The cycle goes on and on. In the long run, the mask of positivity makes relationships pretty superficial.

What you can do about Toxic Positivity:

1. Observe yourself in conversations

Avoid phrases like “Look on the bright side,” “But the good thing is…”.

If someone is in a bad place, they need a real listener rather than well-intentioned advice. You can allow silence in the conversation.

2. Express your feelings

Write them down, be honest with yourself, or talk about them with close friends. Studies prove: This puts unpleasant emotions into perspective.It also helps you build authentic relationships.

3. Question social media

Probably the most unrealistic portrayal of one’s own life and that of others can be found on Instagram, Facebook, etc.If you feel that toxic positivity is a problem for you, then a social media break is worth its weight in gold.

Important: The dose makes the poison.

Optimism and positivity are certainly not wrong per se.

It’s a matter of accepting thoughts, feelings, and developments on the outside as they are.

Getting caught up in negative thought loops doesn’t get us anywhere.

RECAP / “Toxic Positivity”

The problems:

1. Repression intensifies your emotions

2. No change without feeling

3. We block our relationships

How to break free:

1. Observe yourself in conversations

2. Express your feelings

3. Question social media

Find your balance. Thanks for reading.

Cheers,

Christian

Remember: You’re just one smile away!

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